miel desde circa 83

Your creativity, self-confidence and assertiveness boost your career. Your abundant energy flows freely and cultivates compassion among your co-workers, as they are drawn to your more sympathetic side. You will have no problem being clear in your thinking, and you are able to balance out extremes in the workplace.

This is also a great year for you to sort out which aspects of yourself to keep and which aspects of your personality no longer serve you. You will arrive at a new realization of how you affect others. In the fall, opportunities arise that call for greater responsibility and commitment, and your confidence helps you accomplish everything you set out to do. You may think you have to concentrate for hours on how to improve yourself, but you really need to do is trust that what you are bringing to the world has value and meaning. One of the major lessons for you this year is learning how to appreciate your own originality and resourcefulness.

“Leaving On A Jet Plane”

I’m … I’m …

All my bags are packed, I’m ready to go
I’m standin’ here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye

But the dawn is breakin’, it’s early morn
The taxi’s waitin’, he’s blowin’ his horn
Already I’m so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait for me
Hold me like you’ll never let me go

‘Cause I’m leaving on a jet plane
I don’t know when I’ll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

I’m …

There’s so many times I’ve let you down
So many times I’ve played around
I’ll tell you now, they don’t mean a thing

Every place I go, I think of you
Every song I sing, I sing for you
When I come back I’ll wear your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait for me
Hold me like you’ll never let me go

‘Cause I’m leaving on a jet plane
I don’t know when I’ll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time, oh, let me kiss you
And close your eyes and I’ll be on my way

Dream about the days to come
When I won’t have to leave alone
About the times that I won’t have to say …

Oh, kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait for me
Hold me like you’ll never let me go

‘Cause I’m leaving on a jet plane
I don’t know when I’ll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

And I’m leaving on a jet plane
I don’t know when I’ll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

But I’m leaving on a jet plane
(Ah ah ah ah)
Leaving on a jet plane
(Ah ah ah ah)
Leaving on a jet plane
(Ah ah ah ah)
Leaving on a jet plane
(Ah ah ah ah)
Leaving on a jet plane
(Ah ah ah ah)
Leaving on a jet plane
(Ah ah ah ah)
Leaving on a jet plane
(Ah ah ah ah)
Leaving on a jet plane
(Ah ah ah ah)
(Leaving) On a jet plane

just like my cup of coffee….

2008 was dark, hot and bitter…

but after a couple of sip… you’ll get used to it….

and enjoy the after taste…

eventually you’ll just love the aroma and got hooked to it…

my life was such a bitter sweet blend of unfortunate event, test and never ending heartaches…

but still… as I stood here and bid 2008 a bittersweet goodbye…

I’m looking forward to a way better 2009…

I won’t be posting any year-ender for 08… it’s just too much drama in it…

I won’t spoil a good vibe for the coming year…

till then….

out with the old black coffee…

up for a sweet blend of fun and contentment… with my family….. and real friends…

One of the important phase for my plan to recover and retrieve my faith is to first learn to love myself. Loving myself means I have given up the futile and endless search for a source of love outside of me, based on or drawn from external people or things. Self-love has meant discovering the limitless Source of love within me. I am no longer dependent upon externals to supply an unhealthy neediness for love, worth, or validation.

Ironically, part of what drove my neediness for love was a concrete assurance. My insecuirty grew from my acute awareness of assurance of my worth and value to another person. Because I was insecure, I therefore did not perceive myself as being a lovable or worthwhile person. My insecurity, in turn, resulted in low self-esteem and deeper depression.

A significant breakthrough occurred when I finally admitted my imperfection  (both to myself and to another person). Admitting that fact liberated me from it.

Previously, I had worked very hard to deny both my imperfection and my low self-worth, because I desperately wanted to deny that low self-worth was one of my core issues. Because of the denial, it persisted—one feeding endlessly on the other. By denying these two, I remained bound to it. By admitting and acknowledging these two factors, and more importantly, accepting both as a part of myself, I released myself from the insecurity, freed myself to accept myself unconditionally, and gave myself permission to start loving and esteeming all of me.

Continued belief in myself as a lovable and worthwhile person no longer depends upon an external source or upon external affirmation. I no longer “need” another person to constantly affirm my worth or relieve my security by loving me (i.e., since no one loves me, I must not be worth loving). I can give myself all the affirmation and love I need. Since my need for love and external affirmation is no longer an issue, the insecuirty associated with my low self-worth is gone.

I am a lovable and worthwhile person!

Now I can affirm it and truly believe it. Equally important, I now have an abundance of genuine self-love, which I can draw upon and give away love to others.

To use an analogy, it’s just as if I had an empty account in my “love” bank. I was erroneously waiting and longing for someone else to make the needed deposits, unaware that I could have been making huge deposits for myself all along. Now I have an abundance of love to give away. Because I have love to give away, I am truly a love-able person. I am no longer needy; I am healthy, and thus, even more lovable. By embracing and accepting my imperfection and my low self-worth, I empowered myself to change. I have an infinite source and reserve of love and self-esteem for myself.

The paradox of learning self-love is this—the more love I give myself, the more love I have to give away. The love account is never depleted. I can now give healthy love from the abundance of my own love and my own wholeness. True recovery is about giving clean, healthy, unconditional love, not getting love. My life is now characterized by an ever-expanding circle of love, rather than a downward spiral deeper into our journey for security and assurance.

Finally, all this healthy self-love unlocks the door to true self-esteem. Self-esteem and self-love are co-requisite. Because I am able to love myself and others unconditionally, I esteem myself; I hold myself in high regard; I value myself; I perceive myself as an able-to-give-love, worthwhile person. The abundance of my self-love is the clean, healthy gift of unconditional love I can now bring to all my relationships.

As I steer out of the storm from last month’s dreadful downfall, I come across inspiring thoughts that will aide my recovery.

I stumble on an article about resurrection after death. It is the so-called Discovery Game. One of the names of discovery is “failure”.

Failure has been the magical word I carry over the past few days. I look back and realized that after 25 years of my life I was nothing but a “big failure”.

Those missteps and mishaps didn’t serve as a tool for improvement but rather I took it negatively and drag myself down on an empty space called void.

I’m in the state of total ambiguity and obscurity. I felt hopeless and my heart was just filled with dim vision.

To my dismay all bad things occur a couple of days before my 25th year on Earth. It crushes my holiday plans. Jobless. Homeless. Complicated Relationship.

Stop. Breathe. Recognize feelings that accompany positive thoughts and retrain my brain not to respond to any negative memory. I realized that the road to happiness is a circuitous back road of attempt, failure, reflection and adjustment.

Growing and succeeding takes root and grows from fertilized misstep and mistakes.

Indeed no resurrection without death. I treated “failure” like a plague. I need to switch my brain and focus on self growth and development. I’ll cease on looking at it as an end but rather took it as an essential purpose for development and success.

If I’ll succeed on my endeavor I know happiness will be felt and contentment will be reached.

All mistakes contribute to invalidate our development.

Success is a redemption of small and large failures.

Failures are steering my life, I need an alter route and go back to the road of brilliance rather than seeing it as an unfortunate dead end.

APPRECIATION is a purpose not a REACTION. We act out of discovering and acknowledging VALUE.

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.” -Gilda Radner