Why Do Families (And The World) Lack So Much Love?
Mostly, It’s Because Husbands Aren’t Loving Enough
Two days ago, I had an ecumenical meeting with the
President Gloria and various religious leaders in
the country (even Muslim leaders). That was where I
spoke to Bishop Ruben Abante, the head of the
Alliance of Baptist Churches in the Philippines . We
were talking about how to solve theproblems of the
world. That was when Bishop Ruben gave me a
word about families that blew my mind.
He said, “Brother Bo, the Bible says in Ephesians
5:25, ‘Husbands, love your wives, and wives submit
to your husbands.’ Have you ever wondered why the
Bible doesn’t say, ‘Wives, love your husbands?’”
“Why?” I asked.
The Bishop explained to me that the responsibility
to love the family rests on the husband’s shoulder.
The wife and the kids are only to respond to that
love. In the same way that the Bible says in 1 John
4:9 (my life verse) “We love because He first loved
us,” we respond to God’s love for us.
That was powerful. I began to reflect on all the
broken families I’ve counselled through the past 28
years of my life. Most of them (not all ) were
broken because the father didn’t love enough. And as
I reflect on all the broken people I’ve counselled,
I can see the same pattern. In most of these
individuals (again, not all), I see the lack of a
loving father in that person’s life.
Fathers, you have a pivotal role in the life of your
wife and children. You are to aggressively,
assertively, deliberately love them-and they will
respond. But the good Bishop was not finished. He
said, “Why didn’t God say, ‘Husbands, submit to your
wife?’”
“Why?” I asked again.
He said that once that love is there, submission
is the natural response . He asked, “Why is there so
much rebellion and disobedience among children
today?” He explained that kids need to see their
mother submit to their father as a model to follow.
(We didn’t have time to talk about situations where
the man of the house doesn’t love. Should the wife
still submit? That difficult question I hope to
answer it in another article.) But let me share with
you my experience.
I love my wife. I do it aggressively, assertively,
and deliberately. And she submits to my leadership.
I have a vision for the family and I’m bringing my
family to that vision-and she supports me. But what
does that mean in daily life? That I’m king and
she’s my slave?
Gosh, you should visit my home.
Because I love her, I want to serve her. And
because she follows already my general direction, I
realize that 90% of life’s decisions are about the
trivial stuff. Because I love her, it’s my joy to
say, “Yes” to her . So in reality, I follow her 90%
of the time! She isn’t my slave. She is the queen I
pamper.
That, my friends, is marital headship-submission
in daily life. May your families be filled
with love.
Husbands, take responsibility in filling your family
with love.
Wives, support and submit to your husband.
And together, we can fill the world with God’s love.
